SPAM-Bots or Crack-Pots? – Mk2

I’ve been offline for a few months now and my SPAM-Filter is well and truly clogged. These buggers really do keep coming thick & faPAM-Bots caught in a webst don’t they? I’m not normally one to repeat myself. I’m not normally one to repeat myself. Quite an echo in here today…today…today. But since my last post about SPAM comments I just couldn’t resist another salvo of retortiveness. Yes it’s a real word, one I’ve just made up I grant you, but a real word nonetheless. One worthy of it’s place in any dictionary, but especially the DV dictionary of b*ll*cks phrases. To respond to utter garbled questions/points or comments using withering sarcasm. Yes I know it’s the lowest form of wit, but what can I do, I was raised on the stuff…

Like my previous post, the original spam comments are in blue and my responses follow in black. For those of you who might be listening in black & white – the spam comments are the bulleted ones: 

  • These are the most beautiful body and requires special care to ensure that the message will reach the heart of love through your eyes.

Are you coming on to me? No seriously, are you? – I’m not very good at reading the signals. But, I’m married anyway, so F**k off!

  • Do you know that you do not need a DIET to LOSE WEIGHT?

Of course I do – Amputation’s the answer right? BTW, have you seen my profile photo – I don’t need to LOSE WEIGHT, so F*ck off!

  • The Specifics of Military Loans with No Credit Check – There can be a few items that you ought
    to be alert to should you anticipate pursuing a no credit assessment loan as being a military
    member my website in order to acquire different offers from loan lenders on automobile loans for low credit score holders
    usually requires lots of effort.

Hmm – I’ve got short hair (OK – NO hair, don’t push it), but I’ve never been in the military. And my credit score is my business, so F*ck off!

  • Though it is a less common method of removing hair at skin’s surface,
    some consumers find it primarily useful for fine
    hair on legs. m beginning to sound like an informercial but the claims are that there really are things you can do
    that can help get that youthful jawline and line free forehead
    back. It is by far my favorite health and beauty
    product ever, hands down.

Have you not seen my gorgeous fizzog on my profile picture. I have the jawline and wrinkle-free forehead of a 5 year old (5 year old corpse that is). You’ve got me on the fine hair on my legs though. Wait a minute, are you the pervert that’s spying on me in the shower at the gym – thought so – F*ck off!

  • The Bluetooth audio beanie is no longer a simple beanie hat and no more a simple Bluetooth beanie, it’s a magic beanie which can take phone calls and playing music, it’s well deserved to you.

Cheers, I could do with a magic-beanie-hat telephone receptionist. When are you sending it to “well deserved” me? What do you mean you’re not! – F*ck off then.

  • But they’ve very less threshold for clicks as a result of
    “mistakes”. If Yahoo Plus 1 is usually to Facebook’s “Like”, then Google Plus itself is to Facebook itself;
    this can be Google’s response to the myspace or facebook.
    There are a few great breakthroughs which will soon be accessible through
    Google Plus inside the future.

Say what now?! …WHAT-EVER Dude…

  • CоacҺ mercer bangle watch Νow, I realize most of you did not read ɗiwn here simply tߋ hear that, so i wqnt
    to elaborate a bit.Dark colors about the walls usually tend to give the room
    a ϲlosed in, smaller look

Coach mercer can f*ck off and take his bangle watch and stick it where the sun don’t shine. That’s right – Ipswich… ah, that’s where I’ve been going wrong, shan’t be using those dark crayons on the walls of my padded cell any longer – it’s small enough already.

Have a great weekend folks.

DV

 

Advertisements

About Dave Sollis

Poet/muso/sketch-doodler/marathon-runner, founder of The Amorphous Poetry Project and Tap Publishing UK http://tappublishing.uk/blog/
This entry was posted in About, humor, humour, Readers Writes and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s